Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
