I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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