if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
