I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
