Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
