So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
