i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
