You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
