it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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