Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
