im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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