Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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