Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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