I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
