Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
