I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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