I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
