I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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