Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Houston, we have a squirter
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
