i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
