things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We need a shit load of segways right now
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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