I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
