It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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