Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
