I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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