so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
