omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
