im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
