Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
