just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
