You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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