My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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