PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
