And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
