i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
