so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
