I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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