no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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