I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
