I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
