those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
