five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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