At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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