I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
