You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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