I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
