DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
