How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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