I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I would ride that face into the sunset
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