How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you will always have a special place in my vag
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
