dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
