the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to walk on stilts...naked
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
